1. |
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Flying through space
Unseen and unheard
An asteroid six miles wide
Hurtling towards earth
At a deadly pace
Destruction when it collides
Dinosaurs grazing
Or hunting their prey
The blast would catch them by surprise
Taste flaming death
Or frozen starvation
Hear the Tyrannosaur’s cry!
(CHORUS)
Death from above
Reign down like fire
Death from above
Tribute required
Death from above
Life on the brink
In just a few years
They’ll all be extinct
Stalking charred landscape
Searching for food
She’s desperate to survive
Small group of duckbills
Weak from the famine
They’ll be her supper tonight
Chase down the slowest
Cut off from his herd
It’s over in just one bite
The crunch of bone snapping
Blood on the plains
Hear the Tyrannosaur’s cry
(BRIDGE)
Run run, Triceratops
Run run, Triceratops
T-Rex on your tail
She's gonna eat you up
Run run, Triceratops
Run run, Triceratops
T-Rex on your tail
She's gonna make you her lunch
(CHORUS 2X)
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2. |
FYSU
02:13
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FYSU
If you're ever on safari in Africa
and there's a hippopotamus running after ya
better climb a tree or grab your 12 gauge
There's nothing worse than a hippo that's been enraged
They kill more people each year than crocodiles
Remember this song when rafting down the Nile
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A hippopotomus
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A hippopotomus
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
Next time you're visiting Indonesia
and a komodo dragon happens to see ya
Better run away as fast as you can
Cause they've got no problem eating a grown man
Mouths full of germs, they've got toxic jaws
And all four feet are covered in claws
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
Komodo dragons
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
Komodo dragons
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
Now there's one more animal you should avoid
Take on a honey badger and you'll be destroyed
They shake off a snake bite like it's no thing
and don't give a fuck about a hundred bee stings
They go for your genitals when they attack
If you're facing one down better watch your sack
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A honey badger
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
A honey badger
(Yeah Yeah Yeah)
will fuck your shit up
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3. |
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Summer time's here
and it's time to have some fun
Load my board in my woodie
gonna show 'em how it's done
But the beach is closed down
There's been a toxic spill
of medical waste
No, This is not a drill
Syringes and needles
are floating in the seas
I wanna go surfing
Not catch a disease
I grab a haz-mat suit
Gonna give it a whirl
next thing you know
I'm shooting the curl
(CHORUS)
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!
Surfing or AIDS?
I'll take surfing!
Now I'm hanging ten
riding on a killer wave
feelin' like a big kahuna
headed to an early grave
On Biohazard Bay
no one as brave as me
Hope I don't end up
like my man Eazy-E
I'm having fun in the sun
Yeah, I'm having a blast
As strips of bloody gauze
go floating past
I scream cowabunga!
And wipe out in the sea
If they can cure Magic Johnson
then why not me?
(CHORUS 2X)
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4. |
Largemouth
03:25
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Bass fishin'
Bass fishin'
Bass fishin'
Bass fishin'
Tackle box
Rod and reel
Trolling motor
Cooler of beer
Bass fishin'
(Repeat 4x)
Bill Dance
Bill Dance
Bill Dance, motherfucker
Bill Dance
Beetle spin
Rattle trap
Crank bait
We're going
Bass fishin'
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5. |
Sock Man
01:01
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You need some socks
What do you do?
The sock man will take care of you
Someone stole your socks
Your feet are bare
Buy new socks! Buy 30 pairs!
30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks
30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks
30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks
30 pairs of socks
Only 10 bucks
(Repeat)
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6. |
Bluetooth/Blackeye
03:08
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Who the hell you talking to?
Get that thing out your ear
We're in line at the bank
I don't really want to hear
Your dumbass conversation
I want to puch you in the face
You're the king of douche bags
You're a fucking disgrace
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Hang up or die
Let's say you're driving in your car
It's safer to use bluetooth
But when you're in line at the grocery store
It's simply uncouth
If I had a baseball bat
I'd swing it at your head
And if I had shotgun
Then you'd be fucking dead
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Hang up or die
You're the kind of asshole
that needs a good cock punch
I'll drop an anvil on your head
and hear the satisfying crunch
Of your skull being smashed
along with your ear piece
Now there's no chance your stupid voice
will disturb my peace
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Bluetooth, Black Eye
Hang up or die
(repeat)
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7. |
Bathroom Blitz
02:24
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Woke up hung over, my clothes all smelly
I got the bubble guts deep down in my belly
There's a rumbly in my tumbly and something ain't right
Oh, why did I drink so much last night?
Left the bar around three, went to waffle house and ate
Never should have ordered that patty melt plate
Or the double hasbrowns with extra ketchup
Now I feel like my ass is about to throw up
It's a bathroom blitz, I've got the beer shits
Waking up with diarrhea is really the pits
Not Crohn's or colitis that's giving me fits
It's my own damn fault, I've got the beer shits
Now I'm painting the bowl hangover black
Can't get no relief from this bear attack
Doubled over on the john, stomach in knots
Starting to regret those last five shots
It's a bathroom blitz, I've got the beer shits
Waking up with diarrhea is really the pits
Not Crohn's or colitis that's giving me fits
It's my own damn fault, I've got the beer shits
I just can't shake this feeling down below
So I reach in my cabinet to grab the Pepto
Or maybe I should take some Immodium AD
Oh shit... I'm out of TP
It's a bathroom blitz, I've got the beer shits
Waking up with diarrhea is really the pits
Not Crohn's or colitis that's giving me fits
It's my own damn fault, I've got the beer shits
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8. |
DUI
02:02
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Baby I’m sorry to call so late
After I no showed for our big date
But I got a good excuse
I’m sure you’ll agree
The state patrol took me into custody
I didn’t really think I was quite that drunk
But the policeman didn’t agree
Now I’m sitting in
the county jailhouse
And I’m facing DUI number three
DUI was on my way to see you
When I got pulled over in my car
DUI had just a few too many
And now I’m sitting behind bars
They had me out of my car and walking a line
They said I stumbled, I thought I did fine
Gave the breathalyzer a couple of puffs
Next thing you know I'm in hand cuffs
Baby you know that you're my best girl
For you I'd do anything in the world
Now I know you're probably mad as hell
But could you come down here and pay my bail?
DUI was on my way to see you
When I got pulled over in my car
DUI had just a few too many
And now I’m sitting...
DUI remember blue lights flashing
And I just didn’t know what to do
DUI had to say the alphabet backwards
And when I blew in that machine, it said point two!
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9. |
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It's late at night
and you're hungry for flesh
I know a place
where the meat's always fresh
If you feast upon the livng
It's got what you need
it's where all the undead go
when they wannna feed
(CHORUS)
Zombie House
Whoa oh oh
Zombie House
Whoa oh oh
You're fresh from the grave
and there's no one in sight
How you gonna find some food
this late at night?
Double order of guts
with a side of brains
This diner caters to
reanimated remains
(CHORUS)
(BRIDGE)
We're servin' up brains eight different ways
You can get them 24 hours a day
Scattered on the grill and covered with cheese
Now smother those brains with onions if you please
Chunked with ham and capped with shrooms
Get your brains diced and topped if you've got the room
Or maybe do peppered brains for a spicy test
Zombie House brains are simply the best
(CHORUS 2X)
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10. |
Wasabi Mayonnaise
02:42
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It's time for lunch
Don't want something lame
I hate it when my sandwiches
Are always the same
A little bit of turkey
With just a slice of cheese
These boring sandwiches
Are like a disease
Infecting my lunch nearly every day
I need some Trader Joe's wasabi mayonnaise
Whoa! Trader Joe's
Everybody get in the car and let's go
I don't want no mustard or miracle whip
I need a condiment that is really hip
Like wasabi mayonnaise
I want Trader Joe's wasabi mayonnaise
Eating out every day
Is just too pricey
And most brown deli mustards
Are just not spicey
No not enough for me
I need something with kick
I want a refill
On my green mayo quick
Trader Joe's is like a sandwich pharmacy
Wasabi mayonnaise is the prescription I need
Whoa! Trader Joe's
Everybody get in the car and let's go
I don't want no mustard or miracle whip
I need a condiment that is really hip
Like wasabi mayonnaise
I want Trader Joe's wasabi mayonnaise
Whoa! Trader Joe's
Everybody get in the car and let's go
I've got a three bells emergency
Gotta stop this dull sandwich insurgency
With wasabi mayonnaise
I want Trader Joe's wasabi mayonnaise
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11. |
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Heading down to North Avenue
All ages show at the Masquerade
Teenagers all dressed in black
Crowd looks like an emo parade
Band hit the stage, kids went wild
Getting hot in the circle pit
Stepped to the bar, took off my black hoodie
Just wanted to cool down a bit
One hour later and the show is done
Stopped by the bar on my way to the door
Looking all around for my black hoodie
But my black hoodie wasn't there anymore
CHORUS
I Lost My Black Hoodie at the Masquerade
I Lost My Black Hoodie at the Masquerade
You just can't trust goth kids today
I Lost My Black Hoodie at the Masquerade
I looked for my hoodie all through the crowd
Trying to find someone to blame
But when I looked around the Masquerade
The teenagers all looked the same
Dumb haircuts and skinny jeans
Girls with too much lip gloss
And they all had on black hoodies
Just like the one I lost!
REPEAT CHORUS
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12. |
ABC
01:58
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Put the coffee down
Coffee is for closers
Put the coffee down
Coffee is for closers
You think I'm fucking with you?
I am not fucking with you
You can't close your leads
You can't close shit
You can't close your leads
You can't close shit
You are shit
Hit the bricks, pal
(CHORUS)
ABC
Always be closing
ABC
Always be closing
A Always
B Be
C Closing
(BRIDGE)
We're adding something to the sales contest
First prize is a Cadillac El Dorado
Wanna see second prize?
Second prize is a set of steak knives
Third prize is you're fired
What's your name? What's your name?
Fuck you, that's my name (8x)
(CHORUS 2x)
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13. |
Chemistry Class
02:22
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Your regular teacher is out with the flu
Let Professor Phoebe guide you through
a chemistry lesson you're going to love
So grab a beaker and some rubber gloves
Two carbon atoms is all you need
Now, add five Hydrogens if you please
A hydroxyl molecule's ingredient three
Now that's what I call chemistry
C2H5OH y'all
hydroxyethane or ethanol
Drink too much, it'll make you crawl
It's the chemical formula for alcohol
Now it's time for your final exam
Believe me, there's no need to cram
As you may have already guessed
This won't be your average chemistry test
Under each desk is a case of beer
And a fifth of everclear
You've gotta drink it all if you want to pass
Hope you've enjoyed my Chemistry class
C2H5OH y'all
hydroxyethane or ethanol
Try to walk, you'll trip and fall
Drunk dial your friends, punch a hole in the wall
Think you're bulletproof and 10 feet tall
Find yourself in a drunken brawl
Give your ex-girlfriend a call
It's the chemical formula for alcohol
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14. |
Death Skull Napalm Sword
04:29
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Born of hell
The demon's tail
Death skull napalm sword
Cuts through bone
The witch's moan
Death skull napalm sword
Flaming revenge
You can't defend
Death skull napalm sword
Skeletal remains
Will eat your brains
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword
The dragon’s tooth
Will be the proof
Death skull napalm sword
Taste the blade
That Satan made
Death skull napalm sword
Raining blood
A crimson flood
Death skull napalm sword
Angel of death
Your final breath
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword
Death skull napalm sword
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15. |
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"There are few things worse than joke bands that aren't funny. Attractive Eighties Women bludgeon their audiences with tuneless tattoo punk-metal and yuk-yuk lyrics that are so bafflingly devoid of imagination that you begin to wonder whether they could actually be this fucking dumb. Nah, it's just a big goofy put on -- which makes it an even bigger waste of time! New CD, Coup D'e Ta-Ta's, was recorded live in some dude's basement studio. The singer works at Adult Swim, which is the only reason they got one of their songs into the equally awful program Frisky Dingo. They're the sort of band that'll probably feel the need to write a new song about this review. And you can be assured that that'll suck too."
-- Jeff Clark, Stomp and Stammer magazine
Jeff,
Here's your song.
xoxo,
Attractive Eighties Women
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Attractive Eighties Women Atlanta
Attractive Eighties Women sound like a cross between Molly Hatchet and an eighth grade talent
show.
“Like Andy Kaufman meets the ‘Mats at the dog end of a three-day amphetamine-fueled performance art bender." - Chad Radford
"Like a tornado of two-hundred Led Zeppelins, out-of-control and bearing down on a South Georgia trailer park." - Kilgore Trout
"Them boys are swampwise." - Okefenokee Joe
... more
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